Day 85: Spiritual Warfare

Spiritual Warfare could have been a nice little Zelda clone if the makers would have been a little more subtle with their Christian message. Unfortunately, like most Christian entertainment, they choose to hit the audience over the head repeatedly with the baseball bat of enlightenment, lest they miss the point entirely. Case in point: random bible trivia!


Every so often an angel will appear giving you the chance to earn doves, which are currency in Fundamentalist Land, by correctly answering Bible questions. The questions are so easy that I managed to get nearly all of them right despite being able to count the number of church services I've attended in my life without removing my shoes.

The rest of the game is spent hunting for various religious artifacts and blasting sinners with the Fruit of the Spirit to turn them repentant. Exactly what sin this biker is committing remains a mystery to me.


Once blasted, the sinners, easily recognized as being almost everyone but yourself, immediately fall to their knees and begin praying. Some leave money behind. The particularly bad ones release the demon that was possessing them, which you must promptly blast with your Fruit.

I guess the message I'm supposed to take away from Spiritual Warfare is that everyone is a sinner. Most of the "enemies," with the exception of a few knife-wielding thugs, are normal people and none of them, not even the thugs, make any overt attempts at harming the protagonist. They all simply move about in their predetermined patterns until you force the Word down their throats.


As a Zelda-style dungeon crawl, Spiritual Warfare isn't terrible. It would have worked much better as a quest to find lost religious artifacts rather than a crusade to purify every guy who happens to cross your path on the way to work. Too bad the fundamentalist belief that everyone is your enemy got in the way of what otherwise could have been a decent game.