Day 106: Magical Chase

If you've ever played any side scrolling shooters, Gradius or Fantasy Zone or any of the, let's call them stripped down, shooters on the Action 52 cartridge, you've played a game very similar to Magical Chase. All you're really missing are the creepy chicken heads with legs, and frankly, I'd say you're better off for it.

Day 72: Chew Man Fu

You'd better get down on your knees and thank God or whoever you thank in situations like this for political correctness, because making the protagonist of Chew Man Fu a girl saved you from a lot of bad gay jokes. I'm genuinely surprised by the lack of homosexual overtones. The Japanese as a people are quite fond of gay humor, as evidenced by the game Cho Aniki Kyukyoku Muteki Ginga Saikyo Otoko, which roughly translates to "Series of disturbing images that can never be unseen."

Like all puzzle games, Chew Man Fu starts with a simple premise and rides it all night long like a two dollar hooker. To pass each level, the little girl must move the four colored balls to thir corresponding tiles on the floor. If that sounds stupid easy, that's because it is. There are obstacles like hedgehogs and giant ape men, but those are easily defeated by kicking one of the balls at them. Even the walls can be destroyed by repeatedly kicking balls into them.

For a puzzle game, Chew Man Fu presents no real challenge or addictive gameplay elements, unless kicking balls at turtles gets it done for you, and that can easily be done in the average American back yard for only the price of a ball. Plus, the coal that would have been burned to power your Turbografx and TV (or your computer running and emulator) can then be used to power Al Gore's palatial Tennessee home.

Don't play Chew Man Fu. The earth will thank you.

Day 34: Wonder Momo

I can think of two possible reasons Wonder Momo never made it to the United States. One, it kinda sucks. Two, there's a crab fondling a woman's breast.


Since I can't think of any instances of concerned mothers protesting because they caught their children playing Superman 64, my vote goes to the crab. Add a few quick pantie shots and you've got a game that would have moms lined up outside with signs faster than lead paint on a toy uzi.

The titillation and gameplay are both pretty minimal. The entire game takes place on a stage, so there's nowhere to go really. Momo can jump, kick and kick while jumping. Most enemies go down with one kick. Those that require multiple kicks are usually kind enough to march mindlessly into kicking range over and over again.


The cruel truth is, most games with an element of sex to them completely fail when judged solely on the merits of the gameplay. And if a game is nothing more than walking back and forth kicking robots and aliens, there needs to be a lot more than a couple of quick glances of panties and a grabby crab to make up for it.

Day 11: Bravoman

Bravoman is Mega Man for preschoolers. He's Baby's First Mega Man. He's three times as big as Mega Man, he's all yellow and green and instead of shooting enemy robots, he punches them with his springy Inspector Gadget fists.


Bravoman is out to stop the presumed evil Dr. Bomb by fighting his way through stages short enough for all but the worst cases of ADHD and battling bosses with at best a vague interest in preventing him from reaching the mushroom cloud-coiffed mastermind.

Running and punching is the name of the game here (except for the third level, when it inexplicably becomes and underwater version of Super Cobra). The game is colorful and has a very playful, innocent quality to it, but there isn't a lot of variety. It's just run to the right, jump the occasional hurdle and punch a few robots.


It's not that Bravoman isn't fun. It is. But it feels a little too much like that generic Mario Bros. knock-off those of us who grew with Commodore 64s instead of Nintendos had to play. Like many Turbografx-16 games, it's missing that little extra something that turns a good game into a great game.