Day 132: All-Star Weekend 2008 with Legends of the Diamond

Legends of the Diamond is a pretty standard NES baseball game made better, as most things are, by the addition of Ty Cobb.


As with most baseball games of the era, fielding is tricky. Balls hit to the outfield require moving the fielder without seeing him. And the computer sort of randomly picks which players you will control. Infield flies are sometimes confusing because there are several players visible though it's not always clear which one is going after the ball and which ones are just moving to cover a base.

Strangely, though the game lists each player's position in their profile, it pays no heed to that when creating a lineup. Thus it's possible, in fact probable, to play a game with Willie Mays catching, Babe Ruth at short and Mickey Cochrane patrolling center field. The only players for whom position matters at all are the pitchers.

Despite the quirks, Legends of the Diamond is one of the more enjoyable baseball games for the NES. It's based on the same engine used for Baseball Stars, easily one of the best games for the system, and adds a lot of neat touches.

Harmon Killebrew does not like striking out.


Nor does he like being hit by a pitch.


I said take your base, Killebrew. Let's go.


There's even a fan wearing a glove in the stands to catch home runs. Pitchers and batters have unique stances and animations. Not necessarily modeled after the real players, but they do give each player a unique look and personality. It would have been nice to have a few more players or a few different ones. Bobby Richardson was a good ballplayer, but is really only "legendary" for the shot heard 'round the world. How about giving us Stan Musial or Ted Williams instead?

OK, I'll stop before I go into my list of who should and should not be included on a roster of legends of the diamond. Despite the exclusion of The Man and The Splendid Splinter, Legends of the Diamond is enjoyable game that's still playable today. Not bad for a bunch of old guys.

Day 131: Action 52 Friday with Meong

Today is a big day. I've reached the second screen of Action 52 games.


Eighteen game title that haven't been staring me in the face for the last four and a half months. They could be anything. It's like Christmas in July. But it's Christmas when you're in junior high and everyone stops giving you fun gifts and starts giving you pen sets and book bags.

Meong is the pen set of video games. It took no effort whatsoever and no one's ever going to use it.


As far as I can tell, the point of Meong is to move the little purple thing up the screen, avoiding all the black squares as well as the random deadly gray squares. I don't know what the destination is. I never made it that far since I have little patience for video games that kill me at random and then make me start over from the beginning. Ideally I could memorize a path through by remembering where I was each time I died, but since everything looks the same there aren't any landmarks to go by.

Meong is unfinished, severely flawed or just plain awful. Take your pick. Any future references to Meong made in my presence had better be in reference to these:

Day 124: Action 52 Friday with Atmosquake

Hey, I've already played this one, haven't I? It's the one where the player controls a space ship and has to shoot other space ships while avoiding terrain that sometimes kills him and sometimes doesn't but never kills the enemy ships. That sounds familiar to you too, right? I can't believe that the Action 52 guys would just swap the sprites out of another game change the name and call it a whole new game. I must have not been watching close enough at the selection screen. That's got to be what happened.

Day 120: Kung Fu 2

Having successfully executed to most used video game scenario ever (rescuing the damsel in distress) in their first game, the makers of Kung Fu desided to mix things up and try their hands at the second most used video game scenario (taking down a crime syndicate) for Kung Fu 2. Thomas, the hero of the first game, has joined some Guardian Angels type of group (which explains the gaudy new outfit) and changed his name to Jonny Spartan.


The change in scenery (Jonny now operates in various underworld locations, like the subway and a plane full of circus performers, more on that later) is about the only difference you'll notice. Most of the game is still spent kicking your way through a seemingly never ending barrage of thugs on your way to kicking the stage's boss. Speaking of bosses, now that Jonny's working for the man, he has to get his orders in between stages via comlink.


Wait for backup? When has anyone ever waited for backup? On to the next stage! Which is just like the first stage only in a warehouse. Then to the third stage, which is just like the second stage only on a ship. Then, this--


Fortunately this primitive cut scene takes care of the death defying leap from helicopter to airplane. Based on Jonny's poor showing leaping over boxes on a conveyor belt in stage two, I don't think he could have made it on his own.

Anyway, the cycle continues for a couple more stages before the big showdown with the final boss, who Jonny kicks into submission, thus dismantling a global crime ring in less time than it will take Lenscrafters to finish his new prescription aviator glasses.

Day 117: Action 52 Friday with French Baker

I've been trying to come up with a less exciting name for a video game than French Baker. So far all I've got is Brown Paper Sack. I'd probably have more fun playing with a brown paper sack than I did playing French Baker, which is another climb around the platforms and shoot everything else game, a premise we saw just a few games ago with Chill Out. French Baker looks and plays like something I would have been embarrassed to produce for the Game Boy, much less the Nintendo Entertainment System.

Day 110: Action 52 Friday with Megalonia

Overheard at the Action Enterprises offices:

"Hey, isn't that the gun sprite I designed for my guy who shoots aliens and jumps over holes game?"

"Yeah, I needed it for my spaceship game."

"But it's a pistol."

"I don't care, man. Look, the boss only gave me an hour to finish this thing, I don't have time to design sprites."

"'Only' an hour? Dude, I did Chill Out in twenty minutes, conception to finished game."

"Wow, that's awesome. I wish I was as good a programmer as you. I spent four hours on Ooze and it still didn't come out the way I wanted."

"Hey, man, don't sweat it. Tell you what, I've got a few minutes, I'll help you out here."

"That'd be awesome."

"So what are we calling this thing?"

"I was going with 'Megalonia'."

"Oh, I like it. It has that whole doesn't mean anything Galaga vibe going. What have you got so far?"

"Well, I have a spaceship that flies from left to right shooting at other spaceships."

"Dude, this game's already done! Why are we sitting here?"

"Really? It doesn't need anything else?"

"Nope. Let's go see if the vending machine has any of those mini donuts."

Day 103: Action 52 Friday with Sharks

I'm going to go on record here and say that Sharks is the worst Action 52 game yet. If you're familiar with the Atari 2600 game Seaquest, it's a lot like that except instead of a constant onslaught of voracious sharks and enemy subs out to destroy me, there are a few well fed and apparently tame sharks completely ignoring me. Instead of Steve Zissou I'm Troy Lee Gentry.

About 75 percent of the time I spent playing Sharks was spent waiting for an actual shark to appear on the screen. When one finally did appear, it swam by on its predetermined path, completely oblivious to me and my harpoon gun. The game quickly jumps from too easy to impossible when the sharks are replaced with jellyfish, which appear and disappear at random positions on the screen, making them nearly impossible to hit.

As bad as this game is, I have discovered a use for it. The rockin' background tune would make great music for your next party. Since the sharks make no actual attempt to kill the diver, it should play indefinitely. Just run the audio through your stereo so you can turn your TV off. You don't want this burned into your screen.

Day 96: Action 52 Friday with Chill Out

I swear, these games are getting worse. Not only does Chill Out not have any penguins in it (thus bringing to an early end the First Annual Game Project 365 Penguin Parade), it doesn't really have much video game in it either. In fact, it's just Illuminator without the gimmick of the lights turning off and on. Depth-wise, I would have to say that Chill Out falls somewhere in between Pong and Chase. It shouldn't even count as one of the 52 games on Action 52. It's half a video game at best. Probably closer to a quarter.

Day 94: The First Annual Game Project 365 Penguin Parade Proudly Presents Binary Land

Day 92: The First Annual Game Project 365 Penguin Parade Proudly Presents Hebereke

Day 89: Action 52 Friday with Haunted Halls

Who you gonna call? Simon Belmont's little sister! Though, judging by the size of her chest, Simon's the only one who still calls her "little."

Hoping to step out from under the shadow of her brother, young Simone enters the Haunted Halls armed with a bag of crosses and her 36 double D's. The crosses are the more effective weapon. I guess breasts, no matter how large and perky, hold no interest for those who've crossed over.


Haunted Halls plays just like Ooze and Alfredo and every other platformer on the Action 52 cartridge. Simone walks to the left, leaps over pits and strikes down her many mindless enemies. Total dullsville, man.

Day 82: Action 52 Friday with Thrusters

Two weeks ago I made the bold prediction that Thrusters would be a space shooter, and Thrusters is a space shooter. It's probably the best of the Action 52 space shooters I've played so far, but that's like saying herpes is the best STD. It's bad and it's bad for a lot of the same reasons.

Day 75: Action 52 Friday with Dam Busters

Last Friday I predicted that Dam Busters would be some sort of shooting game, possibly a clone of the Atari 2600 classic River Raid. Well, there is shooting, but instead of jets, it has beavers.


I think that's a beaver. Beavers are brown and normally associated with dams, although I can't recall ever seeing a beaver wear a red vest (that's more of a raccoon thing). There aren't any dams anyway, so I guess it doesn't matter.

With no dams to bust or defend, I'm not really sure what I'm supposed to be doing. Whatever it is, the odds are certainly stacked against me. While I can only toss tomatoes at my enemies one at a time, I've seen them launch as many as four at once. And while they can go wherever they please, I'm limited to walking on the path. Please note the width of the path in relation to Bucky Beaver up there. Not a lot of room to dodge those incoming tomatoes.

By the way, the name Dam Busters isn't even an original. It was used for a 1984 game based on British bomb attacks on German dams during World War II.

Day 68: Action 52 Friday with Operation Full Moon

I'm not sure how much more Action 52 I can take. There are only so many way to say a game is bad without resorting to simply combining the word "suck" with the words "donkey" and "balls," and I'd rather not waste the good ones on a game like Operation Full Moon which is more generic than it is truly atrocious. It has all the same bland sprites, repetitive game play and bad collision detection you would expect in an Action 52 offering, this time in the form of a vertically scrolling shooter. In fact, just like Star Evil, Operation Full Moon likes to begin levels with your vehicle directly behind some sort of obstacle.

Based on my experiences so far, I'm going to attempt to predict what the next five games on the Action 52 cartridge will be.

Game 11 - Dam Busters: Even though I want to doubt there would be two in a row, this one's probably some kind of shooter, maybe a River Raid rip off.

Game 12 - Thrusters: Well, clearly something rocket powered is involved. This one's probably another shooter, set in space, although I'm holding out hope for a Lunar Lander clone.

Game 13 - Haunted Hill: Generic Castlevania. There will be some zombies, but probably no skeletons since those are harder to draw.

Game 14 - Chill Out: A platform game on ice. Possibly with eskimos and/or penguins.

Game 15 - Sharks: A shooter underwater. Kill the sharks before they kill you.

I'm also going to try to refrain from using the words "generic" and rip-off" any more when writing about the Action 52 games, which will easily be one of the most difficult things I've ever done.

Day 61: Action 52 Friday with Alfredo

I had a strange dream last night. Aerosmith was preforming at my house, but for some reason Steven Tyler wouldn't sing. He just stood there while the bassist sang instead. After the set, they all decided they wanted some popcorn. I went to the kitchen to make some but my popcorn popper kept shooting out ice instead of popcorn, which was somehow the fault of one of my coworkers.

I wanted to tell you about my dream because I would rather do that than once again describe the incredible amounts of badness stuffed into one tiny Action 52 game.


Alfred, presumably, is the name of the little chef who marches through his infinitely large kitchen whacking giant noodly things with his giant spoon. Occasionally Alfredo has to leap over a very small hole in the floor. The same scenery loops endlessly in the background while noodly things appear at pretty regular intervals (and occasionally disappear due to what I'm going to say is a programming glitch because I'm not feeling creative enough this morning to create another reason).

The most interesting thing about Alfredo is that rather than the more standard three or five lives, it gives you two. How sad is it that the most noteworthy thing about a game is the number of lives it gives you?

Day 54: Action 52 Friday with Jupiter Scope

Unlike Earth and Mars, Jupiter does not have a solid surface. Instead, it is made up mostly of gases, making it impossible to build skyscrapers there.


I could probably forgive Jupiter Scope if that was its only flaw. Realism and video games mix like oil and vinegar. And while it isn't dreadful, Jupiter Scope certainly isn't any fun either. It's a bit like the Intellivision classic Astrosmash, with a ship defending the "surface" of a planet from a storm of meteors. Unlike Astrosmash, the meteors do not split into smaller pieces when hit and there is no penalty for allowing one to pass.

But, wow, the music is excellent. Catchy and appropriately urgent with some nice stereo separation. I suggest that you park your ship out of the way and leave the volume up while playing a different game.

Day 51: Action 52 Friday Tuesday with Crytical Bypass

I was very excited when I saw the name of this game. As anyone who was ever a fan of the Sleeze Beez knows, anything with an intentionally misspelled name is automatically 10 times cooler than it would be if it used the correct spelling.

That being the case, I'm either giving the Action 52 guys way too much credit by assuming they misspelled "critical" intentionally or "Critical Bypass," if it existed, would be far and away the single worst video game ever made, even counting every game ever made on a Commodore 64 by someone just learning to program with BASIC.


What we have here is a pink and green circle that needs to make it to the end of the runway without running into any boxes or giant space potatoes. The circle can defend itself by firing in four directions, but it can only fire in the last direction it moved, meaning it has to move toward the danger to eliminate it.

Far be it from me to discriminate against pink and green circles. They make fine power-ups, but they make lousy protagonists. I died once waiting for my ship to appear on screen, not realizing it already had. On the bright side, at least an awesome space ship sprite wasn't wasted here.

Day 44: Recca

I don't think I've ever seen the original NES/Famicom hardware put this many objects on the screen at once. And every single one of those objects wants to kill me.


I'm just blown away by the amazing speed of this game and how seamlessly it all runs. Despite the massive number of sprites on the screen at times, and the screenshot above could be considered a lull in the action, Recca almost never slows down or flickers.

This is by far the most intense shooter I've ever played. That said, it is still just a shooter, and apart from the technical accomplishments, adds nothing to the genre that might grab non-fans.

Day 40: Action 52 Friday with Silver Sword

Hark, brave warrior! Our once prosperous kingdom has been cursed! Only by traveling into the enchanted but strangely narrow woods and killing everything that moves can you free us from our despair! Please hurry warrior! The longer you dally, the more exclamation points I'll have to use!!!!


Silver Sword attempts to be either The Legend of Zelda or Gauntlet, or maybe Fatal Labyrinth. It doesn't matter really because it utterly fails to be any of those games. Even Fatal Labyrinth, for all its flaws, at least had the good sense to put some indication of how close I am to dying on the screen. Silver Sword, like several other Action 52 games, has no has no on-screen indication of score, lives remaining or, in this case, hit points, forcing me to keep track on my own. Quite frankly, being asked to count to 3 while avoiding giant caterpillars and fireball shooting Mankeys offends me to my very core.

Day 35: Panic Restaurant

When I saw the name Panic Restaurant, I was hoping for an update of an Atari 2600 favorite, Pressure Cooker. Sure, I was disappointed when I saw that Panic Restaurant was a stock NES platformer, but I couldn't stay mad when I saw that the first boss is a giant Jiffy Pop pan.


Panic Restaurant is full of well drawn, beautifully animated killer edibles. It's by no means a groundbreaking achievement, but the delightful goofiness kept me playing so long I don't have time to write any more.