Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Day 72: Chew Man Fu

You'd better get down on your knees and thank God or whoever you thank in situations like this for political correctness, because making the protagonist of Chew Man Fu a girl saved you from a lot of bad gay jokes. I'm genuinely surprised by the lack of homosexual overtones. The Japanese as a people are quite fond of gay humor, as evidenced by the game Cho Aniki Kyukyoku Muteki Ginga Saikyo Otoko, which roughly translates to "Series of disturbing images that can never be unseen."

Like all puzzle games, Chew Man Fu starts with a simple premise and rides it all night long like a two dollar hooker. To pass each level, the little girl must move the four colored balls to thir corresponding tiles on the floor. If that sounds stupid easy, that's because it is. There are obstacles like hedgehogs and giant ape men, but those are easily defeated by kicking one of the balls at them. Even the walls can be destroyed by repeatedly kicking balls into them.

For a puzzle game, Chew Man Fu presents no real challenge or addictive gameplay elements, unless kicking balls at turtles gets it done for you, and that can easily be done in the average American back yard for only the price of a ball. Plus, the coal that would have been burned to power your Turbografx and TV (or your computer running and emulator) can then be used to power Al Gore's palatial Tennessee home.

Don't play Chew Man Fu. The earth will thank you.

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