Thursday, April 3, 2008

Day 32: Ten Speed

I can't think of a video game that has ever pissed me off as much as Ten Speed. Every aspect of this game seems to have been designed to irritate rather then entertain. For example:

Every stage starts with the other riders at full speed while I have to accelerate from a standing start.

Almost every stage begins with one of those other riders crashing into me from behind, sending me to the pavement.

Even though about 99% of the collisions in the game are the fault of other riders, none of them actually crash. They just keep riding on while I lay in the street.

Everything else makes me crash. Manhole covers. Grass. Cars.

There are cars driving down the middle of the street during a bike race. Not like support vehicles either. These people are late to wherever they're going and ain't nothing stopping them.

As if having to dodge every other pixel on the screen isn't enough, I also have to grab bottles of Coke left in the road or I'll run out of energy.

The controls are as basic as it gets. Pushing the joystick to the right accelerates. Left brakes. Up and down steer. Up and down with the fire button pressed shifts. A tip from me: just stay in high gear. By the time you descend from 10th to 4th gear, hitting every gear along the way, the terrain will have leveled out. Or you'll have crashed into something, since you can't steer and shift at the same time.

Graphics and sound aren't any better. Lots of big, blocky sprites with minimal animation. At least the backgrounds changed as I crossed the country. Crashes sound more like someone ran over a baby bird.

This game is garbage. It belongs on the curb, next to that old Huffy with the flat tires and rusty chain.

No comments: