Over the past hour I have cultivated an intense, irrational hatred for this game. Irrational because substituting a penguin on ice skates for the early metrosexual on roller skates transforms Disco No. 1 into Thin Ice, one of my favorite Intellivision games.
I hate the background music, which isn't disco. It's "Popcorn," the same cheesy synthpop song that serves as background music for Pengo. I hate the narc in the suit who sticks his tongue out after he busts me. I hate the 20 second warning, which completely disrupts the flow of the game. I hate the girls I'm supposed to ensnare, who all look more like they're having seizures than dancing. I hate the little victory dance my skater does after completing a level, which looks even more spastic.
I also hate the booze on the floor and the guy with the broom, but it's more of a hatred by association than a genuine hatred.
I hate Data East for birthing Disco No. 1.
I hate broccoli. I hate Oprah. And I hate Disco No. 1. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.