Day 110: Action 52 Friday with Megalonia

Overheard at the Action Enterprises offices:

"Hey, isn't that the gun sprite I designed for my guy who shoots aliens and jumps over holes game?"

"Yeah, I needed it for my spaceship game."

"But it's a pistol."

"I don't care, man. Look, the boss only gave me an hour to finish this thing, I don't have time to design sprites."

"'Only' an hour? Dude, I did Chill Out in twenty minutes, conception to finished game."

"Wow, that's awesome. I wish I was as good a programmer as you. I spent four hours on Ooze and it still didn't come out the way I wanted."

"Hey, man, don't sweat it. Tell you what, I've got a few minutes, I'll help you out here."

"That'd be awesome."

"So what are we calling this thing?"

"I was going with 'Megalonia'."

"Oh, I like it. It has that whole doesn't mean anything Galaga vibe going. What have you got so far?"

"Well, I have a spaceship that flies from left to right shooting at other spaceships."

"Dude, this game's already done! Why are we sitting here?"

"Really? It doesn't need anything else?"

"Nope. Let's go see if the vending machine has any of those mini donuts."

Day 109: Cosmic Spacehead

Finally! The excitement of a point and click PC game has come to my Sega Genesis! No longer will I have to waste my time playing those dreadful, fast paced blue hedgehog games. At last! Pointing to objects on the screen with a cursor! Picking them up! Using them! God! It's like heaven!


Alas! All is not perfect, not even in paradise. The blue hedgehog has corrupted paradise with his infernal running an leaping. Alright, more like walking and hopping. Curse you, blue hedgehog! Why must you destroy everything you touch?


I won't let you get away with this! No, no, my friend. Two can play at this game! And I won't stop with pointing and clicking! No, sir! There will be game boards and cards! Yes, cards! Prepare for my wrath, blue hedgehog! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Day 108: Bo Jackson Hit & Run

Talk about adding insult to injury. First Bo Jackson's football career is ended by a hip injury. Then his baseball career almost comes to an end as he is released by the Kansas City Royals (the Chicago White Sox would sign him a month later, but he missed most of the 1991 season and all of the 1992 season due to that injury). Then THQ plasters his name and face all over Bo Jackson Hit & Run, an ambitious game that managed to desecrate two sports at once.

Since the game was licensed by neither the NFL nor MLB, no actual professional athletes or teams appear. Even Bo Jackson, whose name is on the box, shows up only briefly and rarely to give players "helpful" tips.


Thanks, Bo, but if I want advice on avoiding strikeouts, I'll ask someone other than the guy who K'ed in over a third of his major league at bats.

It looks like a little more effort was put into the baseball half of Hit & Run. There are 12 teams to choose from and the players actually have names. That doesn't really do much to improve the play though. The fielders are difficult to move and any pitch that doesn't go pretty much right over the middle of the plate is called a ball. Also, the second baseman refuses to field anything, leaving the pitcher to run after anything hit to the right side of the infield.


About the only touch of realism the programmers added to the football side of Hit & Run was apparently incorporating Bo's debilitating hip injury. Every player on the filed moves like he has an artificial hip. The game is not only slow, but ugly. Players are nothing more than stick figures. There are just a few basic plays to choose from, and no teams to pick from.


Thankfully, the poor reception given to Bo Jackson Hit & Run led to the cancellation of the planned follow up, Deion Sanders Strut & Blab.

Day 107: Cursor*10

Oh Engrish, how I love thee.

You tell me what to do.


And what not to do.


You never sugar coat the truth.


And you always give me fair warning.


Sometimes you confuse me.


But you keep me informed.


Please don't ever leave me.

Day 106: Magical Chase

If you've ever played any side scrolling shooters, Gradius or Fantasy Zone or any of the, let's call them stripped down, shooters on the Action 52 cartridge, you've played a game very similar to Magical Chase. All you're really missing are the creepy chicken heads with legs, and frankly, I'd say you're better off for it.

Day 105: It's the Big Game, Charlie Brown

There are two parts to It's the Big Game Charlie Brown. The first part is rounding up kids for the baseball team. That part's boring, so I'm going to skip to the baseball part, which is awful.


The game's mouse only control system is unwieldy, which is totally inexplicable as the much older Backyard Baseball used a similar mouse only system and was not only playable but actually enjoyable. The game is further hindered by the fact that the Peanuts gang, with the exceptions of Peppermint Patty and Snoopy, are terrible ballplayers. Charlie Brown is hard pressed to throw a ball from the mound to first in time to beat the runner, and when he does get it there he pulls Linus off the bag.

Innkeeper's wives may not have naturally curly hair, but center fielders apparently do. Freida has a cannon. She was regularly able to throw batters out at first base from deep center field. It's a handy skill to have since Chuck's only pitch seems to be the meatball.

If the controls don't make you quit before the first inning's over, the interesting interpretation of the rules of baseball just might. Getting a runner to take an extra base is sometimes difficult with the mouse, so the game discourages it by allowing runners to be forced out at apparently any base when in transit.

This being a game meant for small children, the argument seems to be that it's OK for it to be awful, since they won't know the difference anyway.

Your children deserve better.

Day 104: Pain

Pain is either someone's attempt at being edgy or someone's attempt at making fun of America's obsession with violence. One of the problems with using violence to satirize violence is that 99% of the audience is going to miss the joke. Either they'll think it's just some awesome new violent game or they'll call their senators demanding laws banning video games and giant rubber bands because of the 3% of the audience that tried to recreate the game in their backyards.

The 1% that does get the joke will quickly become bored with what is essentially a one trick pony, and it's a trick they've seen before, either in the crash mode of Burnout or the stunt games of Flatout. The creators of Pain have promised more content will be available to download in the future, meaning that players will have to keep doling out money until their ten dollar bargain game ends up costing them as much as any other game in their library.